I've a had a long, lonely weekend and it gave me time to think and speculate, maybe more than was bargained for. I came to an interesting conclusion the other day. I was watching 'The Departed' and it skillfully ended with a picture of a rat. The shot immediately made me go back to the times I'd been a rat and betrayed someone. I felt so sad and gloomy. Then I thought to myself, why do I always keep going back to those days?To that part of my childhood?It's been way too many years and so much has happened, but it seems that I haven't outgrown the me that was then.
I pondered over it in the shower and realized that all the major traits of my personality haven't really changed since then. It's still the same kind of music, and it still makes me weep, it's still those gory nightmares, those books and works. But more importantly, it's still those principles and ideals. It's like I'm on automatic preservation mode.
Back then I didn't even realize that they'd have such a gripping influence on my life. Never knew that I'd adhere to them so stringently..and then inevitably came the thought:what if it had been different?what if Ihadn't met the people I did, didn't read the books I did, didn't cultivate the ideas that were..what if..would I have been not what I am today?Or was this- this creation of 'me'- just waiting to happen and would have,sooner or later?But no matter what, the impact of one particular friendship was, and still continues to be, immense.
It was by a random shuffling of classes that we met and before we knew it, started the all-important exchange of thoughts,ideas,books,music..and i was never the same again.and even to this day,I can see myself going through life and making decisions with the voices of the younger me and her somewhere in my mind.
Happy Realization to me. :)
I pondered over it in the shower and realized that all the major traits of my personality haven't really changed since then. It's still the same kind of music, and it still makes me weep, it's still those gory nightmares, those books and works. But more importantly, it's still those principles and ideals. It's like I'm on automatic preservation mode.
Back then I didn't even realize that they'd have such a gripping influence on my life. Never knew that I'd adhere to them so stringently..and then inevitably came the thought:what if it had been different?what if Ihadn't met the people I did, didn't read the books I did, didn't cultivate the ideas that were..what if..would I have been not what I am today?Or was this- this creation of 'me'- just waiting to happen and would have,sooner or later?But no matter what, the impact of one particular friendship was, and still continues to be, immense.
It was by a random shuffling of classes that we met and before we knew it, started the all-important exchange of thoughts,ideas,books,music..and i was never the same again.and even to this day,I can see myself going through life and making decisions with the voices of the younger me and her somewhere in my mind.
Happy Realization to me. :)
