Art of Bullshittin': Part Two

There's this really fascinating phrase in the field of Computer Science worded 'Garbage In Garbage Out' (abbreviated to GIGO). It calls to attention the fact that computers unquestioningly process nonsensical data inputs and produce nonsensical data outputs as a result.

Now, even though I am no computer, this is precisely what my processing units go through most of the time. Garbage In and Garbage Out. I am talking, ofcourse, of examination time. Seriously, with all the bullshitting we've been subjected to, how can one expect it to not hurtle out when it most matters? I spent the last week taking practical examinations which, for all engineering students atleast, means that I spent a considerable amount of time chit-chatting with my favorite teachers on *their* favorite topics. I can safely conclude that there is nothing like a successful viva anymore. Even if you somehow give the right answers, the examiner gives you such a look of disdain, you end up wondering why you opened your mouth in the first place. The rest of the time, you're just speaking crap and the examiner knows it and everybody's having a good time.
Based on observations, I can divide the examiners into these categories:

1. Those who really want to test your knowledge: This happens probably once in eight semesters. There comes along a teacher who politely inquires about what you've studied and asks you related questions.
A word of caution though : This may seem like the case with every examiner. Be careful, look beyond the innocent face to find that vestige of mockery residing in the eyes.

2. Those who want to go home early:
These are the best! Whenever I encounter one of these, I thank my parents would naming me with a letter from the lower side of the alphabet. They'd ask you one question, nod at you without even listening to the answer and off you go!

3. Those who know nothing: This is a testy lot. They'd know nothing about the subject or about your experiment, but would still insist on taking the examination! And the questions they ask! Everything ranging from your place of birth to the recipe for cooking rice becomes somehow related to the subject at hand.

4. Those who, to put it simply, want to screw you: The worst! There's absolutely nothing you can say to pacify them! They'd ask the worst of questions and would raise the bar the moment you show any inkling of having studied. Then they'd confuse you with 'what if' scenarios and 'to be or not to be's.  If you answer them, they'd look like someone's told them Diwali's been called off. In situations like these, it's best to just sit back, relaxe and wear a dejected expression on your face. Be like a lamb at the butcher's.

5. Those who want to show off their knowledge: These call for really easy examinations. There would be a discussion on some high-level topic the examiner suggested. You'd, at max, have to speak one sentence related/not even remotely connected to the topic and then just nod your head in agreement with the examiner. Practise this in front of the mirror for better results! You have to make sure that the examiner thinks he's made the best impression on you and that you're ready to build him an idol and place it in the temple.
Not really difficult, is it?

6. The moral lecturer: Yes, we admit we didn't study, we never do, never listen to the lectures, never truly conduct the experiments, cheat on every examination, do not possess any kind of seriousness and yes, we are a threat and menace to the society. Now give us a break, would you?


Student 1- I conducted the experiment, had near perfect readings, answered all the questions in the viva and even corrected Sir when he was wrong, how the heck did I land up with a 50?

Student 2- Dude, are you crazy?

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