The fault

Who are we to go around blaming the system, the police and the government for everything that's happening? Have we looked inside ourselves, seen how we all are as responsible for the sorry state of women in the country as much as anyone else?

Years ago, my parents say India was a safer place for women . My mother could stay out till after dark with her friends, playing and hanging out. As the years went by, we imposed curfews looking at the inflating crime rate. Did it make things better? No. Are things worse now? For sure. In the convent school I studied in, in Agra, my elder sister's batch wore skirts. Ten years later, salwar kameez was made compulsory for all girls in middle school and higher. Did it make things better? No. Are they worse today? Yes.
When did all of this happen, India? Probably when we were busy keeping our women inside and sending the men out, teaching them their roles and places. This mindset everybody is rushing to condemn has been built by us over the years with the women are as responsible for it as the men. Teaching their girls to stay indoors and behave decent but forgetting to teach their boys to respect women. The fault lies with the society and it's teachers. 'Don't do this, it's not proper for a woman too behave this way, behave like a lady, girls are not supposed to be doing this, it's for the guys only'- treating women like objects.
The fault lies with the girls for letting themselves be assaulted and tortured, raped physically and mentally and not do anything about it. The fault lies with the family for telling her to remain silent because speaking out brings a 'bad name' to the family.

The events of today are not a wake-up call for the government or the police, they are a wake-up call for us. Why did we remain silent for so long? This is not the first crime nor the last but why did we have to even bear any of it over the years? Nothing can be built in a day and something which has been growing for centuries cannot be broken down in a day either.

I'd like to ask every person out there walking on the road holding placards or sitting at home using the social media, are you willing to face your faults before pointing your finger on someone else? You need to change yourself before you go out attempting to change the world. The conviction and strength to bring about a change would come only when you're living it. Otherwise we're looking at just another rape, just another death and just another public outburst.




11 comments:

  1. Today's society just makes things more complicated. Remember there are people who are psychos and some are just not normal. I would just like to say that the whole incident also teaches us that our elders and our traditional values, especially in India, were and are not only correct but foundation stones of society.
    Women are stronger then men but as elders used to say, they are Jewels and you cannot simply display Jewels everywhere. Any sane person will not leave his doors open and unsecured even if he lives in the most safest of all environments on earth. If you take precautions for precious belongings, do the same with your most precious jewels. We all men and women, parents need to remind ourselves before blaming our country and society, and calling it a shame and so on, how much do we respect our cultural and traditional values, how much do we respect the important lessons taught to us by our forefathers.
    Again, we must look into ourselves and think about the entire situation, not all people are the same and equal in this world, and an entirely safe and secure world is just another dream for every human on earth.
    Our culture does not allow alcoholism, or for women to roam the streets at night. It has long taught us to wear decent clothes and has never been inline with what today's media and cinemas are showing. A survey done in the UK showed that the dress code was one of the major results leading to sexual assaults and harassment. Look at the movies now a days, I would not want my children to watch such musicals and scenes. Don't we feel uncomfortable watching certain scenes and listening certain dialogues in the presence of our children. There is surely something wrong with the society itself which has undermined its social depth.

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  2. Your myopic view of society and the role of women in it makes me feel sick. It is because of this very regressive viewpoint that you and many other Indians share that this country is not able to climb out of the hole it is in. Please do conduct a survey in India on the link between clothes and harassment, alcohol and harassment or roaming around at night and harassment. The results will bring you much closer to reality.

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  3. Very well said,Medha. We need to ensure that the shameful incident of 16th December 2012 is never repeated. We need to protect the females in the society so that no other girl suffers the fate ‘Nirbhaya’ did....!! It is disgusting to note that there are still so many pathetic people living [with strange mind-sets] even in this country!

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  4. Yes, Panchali ji, we need to start taking this issue seriously.

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  5. yes, if people change their mindset then things will change for sure but it looks highly unlikely. we have too many people with prejudiced and parochial thoughts. laws cannot change mindset but proper enforcement of law will at least instil fear in the minds of criminals. may be that's what we need right now. however, what you pointed out is the primary reason why such incidents take place. hopefully one day we will see a better society.

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  6. Rome was not built in a day. I honestly do not hope to see much change till the next decade at least.

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  7. In my point of view ...both boys and grl shld be self dependent..dont let neone take chances of yours...and most important thing is our education system shld be more effective..girl n boys shld be at the same plc..and god knows abt the politics..

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  8. Yes, but, how do you expect a five year old girl to be self dependent? It is shameful that there are men out there who'd take advantage of the trusting nature of a kid for satisfying their horrendous purposes.

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  9. I agree it's a wake up call. Every time something wrong happens, women is put to rules, like the salwar kammez you said. And as you said, with such changes, things have changed but for worse. We need moral cleansing. We need to tell the male in our lives that it's not OK if you say something cheap for a lady. I need to do a lot, I guess. Correct a type in the second line. :)

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  10. Cannot agree more with you Saru! And thanks for pointing the typo! :)

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